If you ask me what its like being a mother? I'll answer - it's a mess. A beautiful, wonderful, mess. 

The first 2 weeks was the hardest. I feel like I couldn't sleep, all I did was breastfed my baby, put him to sleep, and I felt like my life was taken away from me. 

It sometimes feels like suddenly, you're all alone again. It sort of feels like you've been preparing this unbelievable wonderful meal, and everyone is enjoying it in the dining room, and you find yourself eating alone in the kitchen. It feels like everyone will talk about the meal, not the chef. It feels like everyone will ask about the baby, not the mom. It feels like your life is now centered around him, and everyone forget to ask how it feels to keep everything centered. 

I myself, luckily have a support system that I can count on. My husband has been very supporting and my family helps me take care of the baby. Beside that, I tried to packed in some time to write a blog. In the meantime, I put on some face mask and ordered my favourite food. I tried to take care of myself as much as I take care of my baby. Even self care is a small reminder of self love, and will keep me sane. 

We all -mothers- need something that can reminds the mother that she is still her, and who she is and always has been, that her new baby is a new aspect to her life, not the obliteration to her identity. 

So I'll say - ask the mama, how is she feeling, how can we help her, what does she need. See if we can help the new mother to feel like herself again. To feel supported and loved. 

To this day I dealt with all of these on my own, not fully recovered and not fully figured out, but slowly getting there. 
Seeing his tiny smile and hearing his soft little laughs, I know I'll get there. 🖤

Stepping into early of my 38th weeks, I began to feel severe pains in my belly. And the pain was getting stronger overnight. Thinking that my body would go into labor soon, we made our way to the hospital at 10 AM, nearly just 15hrs after the first contraction. And yes, the doctor said the baby will be here soon, like, today. 

We were both in shock because we didn't expect it to be so soon. We were excited but we didn't know what to do just yet. We couldn't believe that on that exact day - we will meet our baby for the first time. We will be parents. We were very, very nervous but also very excited at the same time. 

On that day, the doctor said that the baby was tangled by its cord so I decided to have a c-section to minimize the trauma. Oh well - all mothers have choices and we all are mothers anyway. The doctor decided to do the operation at 1 PM. I was so nervous. 

That day, my body went through everything I never thought I'm capable of. It feels surreal. But once I hear that tiny voice crying, my tears broke down and I can't help but smiling ear to ear. My little baby B is here. The one who I've carried for the last 9 months. The one who I've always wondered how he'd look like, how tiny is he, how wonderful is he. And the one who finally- completes my life. And for once, my heart is full.

26.05.2019 01:27 PM
Hello, Ananda Baradjiwa. 🖤

Since we figured out that we are expecting, we did our best to keep my body & the baby healthy. I was so lucky that I didn't feel nausea during my whole pregnancy, not a bit. I was doing just fine. I even still travel here and there from the beginning of my pregnancy until I was in my 25th week. I gained a lot - but luckily it was still enjoyable and I just love how amazing that a woman can carry a new life, in her body.

On our 16th week, the doctor said that the baby will be a boy. I was overwhelmed with happiness. I always wanted my first child to be a boy, I don't know why. And since the beginning of my pregnancy, some part of me always says that it's gonna be a boy. And oh boy, the prayer is answered. 

By the time we hit our 7th months, we started preparing everything to welcome the baby. It was a very exciting moments for us as a soon-to-be parents!

If I can put it in words, I was very lucky during my pregnancy. It was a wonderful and joyous 9 months. 🖤

Hello, loves. 

First of all I am so sorry for not posting for the last 2,5 months. I got caught up with works and my personal life. Now as its a new year, I take some time for myself to breathe, and to understand everything and take a look back at how everything goes by.

So anyway - where have I been.

I went to Bangkok for business trip(s)
Yes, my recent job required me to go back and forth Jakarta-Bangkok almost once every month now. Sometimes I stayed there for like 2 weeks, and then back in Jakarta for around 3 weeks, and flying back to Bangkok again for another 2 weeks. It is tiring, but it's also exciting at the same time. I get to travel and see Bangkok (because I haven't been in Bangkok before), get new friends, and learn more about the job itself and the company. So yes - it's taking my time, my energy - but it's worth it. My husband is surprisingly very fine with me being away from him for 2weeks (or so), maybe it's also like a "me-time" for him and which you will need when you get married. So for now - everything's fine with the works and also, with the time for my husband. 

We are busy with @tersirat.id's schedule
Secondly, me and my husband's photography project - Tersirat - is getting bigger and bigger. Our schedule is pretty packed on the weekend. We work full-time in the office Monday to Friday, and we have clients for Tersirat on Saturday and Sunday - and we work on the editing during weekdays and weekend in the evening. It is tiring, but we are very very happy that our small business is growing bigger. And because it is our passions, we are enjoying every moment of it. When we see our clients are happy with the results, that's what matters the most. 

We are planning for more vacations
As the end of year was very packed both for me and my husband, we are planning to take some time off during January and February to have some relax time. We are planning to go to Jogjakarta and Madura (his hometown) on January, and then Bali and Bandung on February. I'm hoping everything is well-planned and we can have some relax time! (And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be busy for a blog post, but I will try to post #kadventure for you guys).

And.. here goes the new chapter
Yes, as you've might heard - we are expecting! We've figured out that I am pregnant few months ago and we are very, very, very happy my heart could literally explode. But then we decided to keep things private for family and friends only, because this is our first time and we have a lot to figure out before getting the news out there. I am currently on my 18th week now, which is around 4months+! I am beyond grateful and I feel so blessed that this is such a happy news to finally be shared with all of you. So yes, we are going to be parents in few months from now! Do wish us a happy & healthy journey <3

So how about you? How was 2018 and how's everything in 2019 so far? I hope you're doing well, and happy. 

I'll see you in my next post, loves!
♥ K